Note: Written for Slodwick's A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words Challenge, Part Three. Thanks to maelithil and fromward for betas, to __fallen for support, and aelora & kasandaro for audiencing. NC-17.
"You do this with Ollie much?"
"No, he doesn't really do benefits anymore."
"So why…?" Dick gestures to the boats sailing toward the finish line.
"He's attacked almost every elected official in Star City this year—most legitimately, but…"
"And sending his son to appear at their charity regatta is supposed to help?"
"He's had worse ideas."
Dick smirks, and then falters. Sunlight beats down, gleaming in Connor's hair, and a sheen of sweat runs down his neck. "You need more water?"
Connor tilts his head. "You could use some, too."
They walk down the pier to the VIP area, both of them sweating through their t-shirts. It's odd to feel sunshine on his calves. Dick thinks of all the years he spent fighting bad guys with his legs naked from ankle to hip. It was a miracle that he'd avoided all the bullets, knives, and vats of acid that could've crippled him for life…and ironic that the one that got him went through nine layers of Kevlar-Nomex weave.
He knows no one can see the jagged pink scar that bisects his right thigh. But he knows it's there, and he's never felt this much off his game. Sure, this time he nearly died, but it's more than that. He doesn't have a clue what he's doing anymore…and now he's here, a stranger in town, looking out on the Pacific as a civilian for the first time in years.
He can't wait for it to cool off enough to put on his jeans.
Connor's smile is enigmatic, inviting. Dick's sure there's a rule about being cruised by your best friend's younger brother, but he lets Connor pull him into the tiny storeroom anyway.
The dirty window allows some dim light and water sloshes below. Connor's kiss is soft, tentative, weirdly considerate. He says, "I've wanted to do that for a really long time."
"Uh…" Dick pulls away, feeling like an asshole.
"You know Roy isn't going to kill you if you kiss me back."
"You don't know him as well as I do."
"Dick."
"Sorry, that was…" Dick rubs his sweaty hands on his thighs, blaming the heat in the close room. He knew Connor was up to something. For some reason, though, he'd thought he was trying to broker a peace deal for Roy.
Dick scrubs his hair back from his eyes. "I don't know what I want right now."
"I know. If you did, you would already be half-way to getting it."
"What do you want?"
Connor's gaze is serene. "I want you to find what you're looking for. To achieve peace within your soul and balance in your life."
Dick meets his eyes. "You know that isn't what I meant."
"I want you to be happy."
"What do you want for yourself, Connor?"
He shrugs. "Happiness, health, family, adventure, challenge, growth. I'm doing reasonably well."
"You left out relationships."
He shrugs again. "Not a high priority."
"I thought you believed in commitment and honor and—"
"Everything my father fails at." Connor smiles wryly. "Someday…eventually. But right now you look like you could use a good blowjob. More than one."
Dick stares, certain he misheard.
Connor laughs and leans back against a column of coiled rope. "Do you know anything about Tibetan monasteries?"
"Uh-uh."
"Buddhism is different. Breaking a vow of celibacy isn't a mortal sin. It's only an object lesson in the interaction of higher mind, the needs of the body, and self-discipline."
"You're saying you broke your vow of celibacy?"
"I grew up there, Dick. It wasn't expected for me to make a vow of celibacy until I was an adult."
"I…Roy never said anything about that. He said you wanted long-term commitment and white picket fences."
"He was taking me to strip bars. Where he knew all the women by name."
"Oh."
"Let me touch you."
Dick looks at him uncertainly.
"All right, then let me do one thing."
"What?"
"Trust me. Close your eyes."
Dick scowls but obeys. Connor leans in and licks a slow, rough line up Dick's neck, cutting through the sweat from his carotid to behind his ear. Dick moans and a small shudder runs through him.
Dick opens his eyes to Connor's face, a hint of a smile playing on his lips and something mischievous dancing in his eyes.
"You taste good."
"Thanks," Dick answers shakily.
"I want you."
Dick nods.
"I want this to be safe for you."
Dick swallows and looks down. "I don't know if anything can be. I mean, Roy wasn't. Starfire wasn't. Robin is stretched to the breaking point—not that he, uh… And my ex—the sane one, I mean, not the psycho…" he trails off with a curse. "It's just, things are really complicated…I don't even know what safe is anymore."
Connor's hand rests on his forearm. "New city, new coast…"
"I hardly even know you."
"It could be a good thing, starting from scratch. Sets you free from the past?"
"Unless Roy kills me."
"He won't. He's more protective of you than me."
"Connor—"
He's there, rubbing a thumb down Dick's bicep. "I want to taste more of you."
He shivers again and murmurs, "What else do you want?"
"I want you to touch me."
Connor doesn't say anything else, he just waits.
Dick looks at him, at this entirely unexpected…gift he hasn't had to earn. A risk he never imagined taking.
Connor is kind and steady and feels good against him. Maybe it would be okay if he let himself have this. Maybe it could even be good, for a while, and he could learn how to breathe again.
Dick looks for a long time. "I can't promise—"
"I'm not asking you to."
"No?"
Connor shakes his head, still radiating calm beneath desire.
It's new. Definitely unlike anyone else he's ever been with, and it doesn't seem excessive to want this, to seek this kind of tranquility.
Connor's already smiling when Dick opens his mouth and says, "Okay."